Doggin' it

Since I've dedicated one posting to the cats, I should probably do the same for my dog.
I'm the kind of pet owner that never quite intends to end up with as many or diverse a collection as I do. Take the dog for instance.
No, really, take her - there are days when I'd happily ship her off to outer Mongolia for doing something so inexplicably dumb it's beyond stupid.... Pterry would probably call it Diputs.
It was a case of "buy one house and get a dog free!"
Deep inside that 1 ear up, 1 ear down, brow furrowed in pleasant confusion, shedding-like-it's-never-going-to-end ball of fur lurks a golden heart. Never will you find anyone happier to help you sniff out any table scraps that had fallen down, helpfully excavate any signs of mole-activity or just be happy to see you back home.
But oh, what un-distilled neurotic dumbness lurks in there as well.
Take the cat flap for instance - and that should give you a clue right there.
Cat Flap.
Not dog flap. And definitely not an Alsatian-sized flap whatsoever.
Yet when the first grumble of wanna-be thunder echoes through my neighborhood, my dog suddenly believes in quantum physics and the ability for a dog to be both large and able to fit through a post-card sized opening.
Hang on, maybe she's stumbled onto a new theory - step aside quantum cats, we've just discovered Schrodinger's Dog!
Three cat-flaps, a screaming owner and a neurotic dog later, studies are still continuing. Despite her apparent convictions that the world is about to end every time an electric storm flashes by, I am yet to see evidence that lightning has her name and address and is out to get her.
But perhaps I am judging her too harshly... as her third owner, I have probably missed out on some serious events in her earlier years.
A dark past which I blame for her tendency to take offense at apparently innocent fellow-hikers and strollers-by. Whether we're out walking or having visitors, the two distantly circling neurons in her doggy brain will bump into each other, sending out crazed chemical signals that results in:
walking person + approach + unknown variable = bite bite bite bite bite!
I haven't been able to establish a pattern in her list of victims, which includes but are not restricted to a) an old couple strolling past our yard, b) a jogger in the national park and c) my neighbor who was helping me push-start my car. Oi, never has the flame of embarrassment burned so brightly.
But despite our somewhat rocky relationship road, I have to admit that one will never find a more willing and enthusiastic participant upon uttering the words:
"Let's go for a walk!"