I woke up this morning with the horrible realization that I was sharing my house with 3 serial killers. Sounds like the start to a rather violent Hollywood script, but it's worse... it's reality.
Now before my friends start dialling for police assistance, let me clarify a bit.
I share my house with 3 cats and a dog - we'll chat about the pooch some other time.
You have to give it to those furry balls of killing menace, they've got humans all figured out.
Who else would manage to get free room & board, entertainment and the knowledge that you are adored? That while you are still locking the blood of your latest victim from your whiskers.
And I'm one of those human flunkies.
I've now learnt to recognise the sounds of animal / insectoid distress in the dead of night, and can go from deep sleep to fully awake and armed with towel & plastic container in under 10 seconds.
Of course, for many victims the rescue comes too late. But that doesn't stop me from trying. If the vets were to charge me for all the injured cat-toys I've brought to their offices, they would've made a fortune by now.
But we tolerate this.
Why?
Researchers could spend years on that subject, but I think the gaga-inducing "sub-vocal oscillations" (thank you Data) may be a key factor. This poorly understood vibration-sound has been known to reduce grown men to willing cat pillows. No-one is safe.
And consider the physical aspect as well: velvet fur, large eyes and the ability to softly tap their human for attention with those teddy-bear paws.
Those same paws that hide scimitar-like blades that can do as much damage as the razor sharp teeth. These perfect little killing machines remind me of a sweet smelling venus fly-trap.
'Come closer, look at me, touch me, see how beautiful I am....and die!'
Terry Pratchett seems to understand this strange duality of cats. I'll leave you with two of his quotes while I go and release the latest tail-less gecko.
“They just laughed and stabbed her. She didn’t even try to run away. It was like they were 'playing'.”
For some reason Magrat shot a glance at Greebo, who had the decency to look embarrassed.
“Pointy ears and hair you want to stroke,” she said, vaguely. “And they can fascinate you. And when they’re happy they make a pleasing noise.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
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I lied... I found another Terry Pratchett cat quote. And is one allowed to comment on one's own post?!?!?
ReplyDelete“Cats are nasty cruel bastards but that's because they are cats. As far as we know, they have no grasp of the concept of not being nasty cruel bastards. Humans, on the other hand, do.”
Terry Pratchett (interview)
We tolerate this, because at the end of a long hard day there is nothing more rewarding than chilling on the couch with one of those "velvet killers" lying on your chest. I mean think about it. Before they became "pets" their survival was based on sleeping with one eye open. Therefor it is not lost on me that when my cat passes out on my lap it means she trusts me completely and also, hopefully feels safe. You can call me a needy chick for that if you want but I love it.
ReplyDeleteMust admit I agree with Benna...That those little killing machines can be so guileless and "velvet" with me means the world... it means more than a man being guiless and "velvet" because I know that with a cat it is really genuine trust and love, but with a man he likely just wants something:)
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