The search is over!

I have it! I have found the single most useless man-made item!
During a recent voyage to the edge of the imagination I had the misfortune of spending a rather chilly night huddled under said useless item - the single bed duvet.

There you are, settling down for the night with bunny-slippers tucked under the bed and pillow beaten into position. It's chilly, so you turn on your side and tuck your legs up, when lo! You are the victim of a sudden attack of early-onset arthritis in the knees! Oh, no. Wait. The duvet cover just pulled away exposing you to the elements. So you grab the duvet and pull it to cover your knees when, aargh! your backside now gets a taste of frost-bite.

Right, plan B. Turn on your stomach, angling at a slight diagonal so that your head is next to the pillow and your feet in the opposite corner, tucking duvet ends in so you resemble a caterpillar. Your neck feels a bit cold, so you edge the duvet a bit higher and, oh no, now the little piggies feel the wrath of the deep freeze!

Eventually I ended up in something resembling a mummy-pose, trying to stay warm by sheer force of fury. In retrospect I should probably have opened the duvet cover and just climbed in, turning it into a rather sad sleeping bag. Oh sigh; these first world problems I tell ya...